Gruve Mom Times: Anxiety - Am I really this mom?

I have decided I am an anxious person - not necessarily to the random person I meet on the street, but it is there...one of my most prevalent flaws (and yes I have many :)).

Yesterday, Tommy had his first ski lesson. Mike and I had talked about it many times and we were both really excited to get him up on skis - we both grew up skiing and have wonderful childhood memories of being on the mountain. But as we approached Hoodoo yesterday morning, my "nervous stomach" was in full effect! I couldn't tell what I was nervous about, but I just knew I was nervous. We arrived in the parking lot, got Tommy dressed and ready to go and headed into the Lodge. We paid for the lesson, the rental gear and a lift ticket and were set to go.

This is post-lesson, but I wanted you to get the full image!

Our next step was we had to go drop him off at the Mountain Cub Club Room where they would outfit him with gear and then they would start the lesson at 10AM. Well as soon as we said goodbye to him (which I really did not draw out or anything), I felt like I was going to hyperventilate and cry all at the same time. What was this about!?! I was very thankful that Tommy did not see me in that state, because then I think he would have been fearful/anxious too. But of course not Tommy, he just trotted off with the very nice instructors as happy as a clam!

I had to have Mike reassure me that these people do this for a living...he will be fine. I think it is just the giving my child over to people that I do not know and then having to trust that all will be okay. This is probably as a result of me being a stay-at-home mom and pretty much being present at any interaction the kid has had his whole entire life. Yet seriously it was freaking me out and we dropped him off at 9:30AM. I had to wait until 11:50AM to pick him up and the clock was ticking very slow!

I started to read the sheet that they gave us that talked about all the things we should think of and know...don't hover (the kid has a better lesson when the parents aren't standing there taking pictures - totally makes sense), make sure they are properly outfitted and finally make sure they have sunscreen on their face. Shit...yes I said shit because I did not even think about sunscreen nor did I have any in the car. So I ran to the gear shop and bought some sunscreen and ran it upstairs to him. Tommy was in the Mountain Cub Room and having a blast. He had his boots on and was playing Foosball with one of the "instructors" (who looked about fourteen at the most). I put sunscreen on Tommy's face and gave him chapstick and off I went. I felt completely better knowing that he was having a good time.

Of course that did not stop me from camping out on the second floor of the Lodge right in view of the lesson area. That is right I was that parent who was not "hovering" but yet was most definitely hovering from the constructs of the Lodge. And yes I talked to him at the window through the whole lesson. When he would fall over and the instructor would try to get him to stand up, I would say, "Come on buddy, you can do it" or when he was trying to sidestep up the green carpet and failing miserably, I would say, "Don't give up, you can do it."

This is the view from the "window" - Tommy is the guy down on the ground to the right of the green carpet :)

Bottom line, the lesson went great, but seriously is has had me thinking about the major anxiety I had yesterday while dropping him off. I think it is fear of the unknown. An example of this...Earlier in the preschool year this year, Tommy had two separate friends ask him over for playdates from preschool. I was struck with the same anxiety/fear of having Tommy play at houses where I really did not know the parents, other than just a hi/goodbye at drop off and pickup. But I think as kids get older this is the stuff they do. I just need to prepare myself for all of this.

Now Kindergarten approaches in September and while I am really excited for Kindergarten to happen, I wonder on that first day I let him take the bus to school if I will be an anxious mess the entire time? Maybe, but I know I am going to have to deal with it! So bottom line I think my severe anxiety stems from the fear of the unknown for my children. I know I cannot be there to protect them as they grow older an have more experiences, but I think for THIS stay-at-home mom, it is going to be quite the challenge to let go of this anxiety and embrace these experiences.

I am so happy Tommy did the ski lesson yesterday and even though it was hard work, I know he had a great time. And I LOVED the people/facility at Hoodoo. It was a wonderful experience and I can't express how excited I am for him to do more lessons. I need to figure out how to dial back my anxious feelings and give way to the excitement I feel for him at the same time.

So in this 2012 year, that is one of my goals...really try to stay away from my anxiety and embrace all the fun experiences of the year!

And here are some more pics from the trip to Hoodoo: